surely having a low self-esteem is worse. life goes on. why bother over that one single log when you’ve got all the forest to explore?
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Being rejected the first few times is very unpleasant but very important to go from child to adult.
You tried and you’ll get a high five from me, a complete stranger on the internet.
Seeing your crush with someone else will teach you the lesson to kill off non mutual feelings and move on. An important lesson but you did not choose to be brave and take it.
As for what feels the worst in the moment that depends on context and how many times you’ve had it happen before.
Probably being rejected. I mean, both are bad, but the former definitely is much worse. If you are rejected explicitly, you know there’s no chance. With the latter, they might break up and maybe you can become lovers. It’s fairly easy to manipulate someone when they are emotionally vulnerable. Not that I am saying you should do that, just information.
There’s peace in rejection though. You can move on with your life and stop obsessing over a slightly ajar door when the door is actually closed. There is nothing more stressful in the world than uncertainty. Closure is the best peace anyone can give to anyone else.
I’ve experienced both.
I worked up the courage to ask her out after some of her friends assured me she was single, and said I had a good chance.
She was great about it, said she was flattered and let me down gently with the “oh, I would, but sorry I have a boyfriend” line. I thought it was an excuse to soften the rejection.
A week later I saw her walking on campus holding hands with a guy, and later I saw her in class sitting on his lap. Turns out she really did have a secret boyfriend for almost a month that she didn’t tell her friends about, but after she said it to me, she felt she could make it public.
To answer your question, getting rejected was not as bad as I thought, but seeing her with someone else was unexpectedly worse for me.
I dropped out of that uni at the end of the semester and never saw her again, but still occasionally think about her.
Does the experiences contribute to you dropping out or is it unrelated?
No, unrelated.
“In class sitting on his lap”. Do people really do this? Seems disrespectful towards the teacher/lecturer (might be just cultural differences, I am not from the US).
I’m not in US either. This was actually in a computer lab, and I got there 10 minutes early, the lecturer wasn’t there yet. Her guy is not in our class, he left when the class started.
I’m always proud of the people in my life making good healthy decisions for themselves.
maybe stop coveting someone you don’t know well enough and doesn’t know you well enough. if you’re interested, show some interest, but not a lot too early.
Maybe they know them fairly enough, but haven’t had a chance to express themselves
Oh man. The crushes I’ve gone through. Some I’ve helped set up after they rejected me.
Some are bittersweet though. I’m always so happy that they’ve found someone that makes them happy but sad that our friendship dwindled as a result.
Crushes are non-consensual. Getting rejected is definitely the best, because that is the first step to getting over an unhealthy obsession.
I don’t think that’s what most people mean by the term crush. It sounds like you’re describing something closer to stalking.
When knowing a rejection is destined, I would rather disappear and see the crush be with someone else. A hope which has been shot down is a scar for life, whereas an attempt never made painfully warms my heart forever.
Just remember, if you try and they don’t reciprocate, at least you tried. And if they don’t like you, you probably won’t like them in the long run either. Just the idea of them
Neither is bad.
That seems pretty contrarian, nobody likes being rejected and it’s natural to feel envious or sad seeing someone else get the closeness you wanted. Whether or not rejection is a part of life or healthy in the long term it is going to be bad while you’re experiencing it, and feeling negatively when seeing the object of your affection with someone else could arguably be unbecoming since you’ll want the best for them but it’s about ad human as it gets.
Idk I crush on a lot of folks, I’m also in a long term (polyam) relationship.
Whether or not rejection is a part of life or healthy in the long term it is going to be bad while you’re experiencing it
Why?
when seeing the object of your affection with someone else could arguably be unbecoming since you’ll want the best for them but it’s about ad human as it gets.
I tend to feel compersion over envy
Get rejected, then see your crush with someone else
See your crush with someone else, then get rejected
Being rejected is worse. It’s so definitive. Seeing them with someone else is just seeing them live their life, it has nothing to do with me. Being rejected always feels personal.
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