I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
that ending a relationship that isn’t working is also my responsibility, instead of postponing it, thinking “this time things will be alright” or “if i break up, everyone will think wrong of me” and letting dissatisfaction grow inside me, turning myself into an *sshole.
i’ve recently had to accept that my neurodivergence makes managers, supervisors, etc. uneasy about me despite my stellar track record and the sole reason why i was able to maintain continuous employment was because of my high demand skill set; which means that employment will become increasingly difficult as i continue to age.
At least your quirks allowed you to create a track record that was seen as stellar by others.
My own Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s allows me to do impressive things. But without any significant ability to monetize those traits or for it to be visibly profitable to someone else, it’s been a much more impactful hell on my employability.
I’ve come to hate how capitalism only “works well” for the masses who stumble and fumble through life, but who can easily conform to the required soul-sucking shape of profitability for someone else. People are more than just how much profit can be squeezed from them, and can provide back to civilization a lot more than what the current capitalistic structures parasitize out of them.
There are other economic structures that are much more humane and planet-friendly, but as a civilization we have been indoctrinated into seeing those frameworks as being “irredeemably evil” simply because prior “implementations” used them as a veneer of legitimacy over despotic authoritarian regimes.
I qualify as an aspie too and I would likely be in the same boat were it not for my software development skills.
LOL 😂 I am also a software developer. 30 years in almost every sector of IT short of 3D animation and games development.
And no, AI hallucinates too gratuitously for me, and just pisses the hell outta me. It’s worse than a gaggle of juniors in terms of all the extra work it generates.
This field is so incredibly lousy w people like us that it makes me marvel at the ones w the kind of job security that I crave because it means that their hyper focus not only aligns w the company’s profit line but they’ve also managed to have a tenure that steered clear of enough clueless neurotypicals to keep them from getting fired or on the chopping block for a layoff.
Lol people like you will be useless in a few years. Its a tool, use it like one.
That choosing a relationship with someone who is monkeybranching into the relationship with you directly from another relationship is you allowing someone in your life who is fundamentally dishonest and manipulative. It’s one thing to be casually dating in general, and just finding someone you click with and ending it with the people you are casually dating, but entering a relationship with someone who pursues you even though they’re in an ostensibly committed relationship is choosing to accept someone who is really not a good person, because they will just do whatever they want and eventually hurt you without a qualm too. Tolerating any of this means you are tolerating abuse, really.
Unfortunately he didn’t tell me this fact until 18 months into it, but that should have been what made me realize that he wasn’t trustworthy and leave then.
Also committing from the get go and falling in love? That’s just also not valuing yourself. You’re just looking for someone to fit into your life because you don’t love yourself enough to wait and take your time and get to know someone, and you’re afraid to be alone and have nobody to care for you. And I did all of that, because I was immature, completely without any idea of how to make it in life alone or cope alone, and I thought that was all I deserved and was the only way to be safe. And it was all wrong.
Im never going to get everything right. Allowing myself this allowed me to get some of the more important things right.
I once had an Excedrin get stuck in my throat sideways. That was a pretty uncomfortable several hours of my life.
Since no one on here will ever know me…
It’s accepting that I have autism and that having autism is ok. My mom used “autistic” as an insult against me, the first time I remember was from age 5 as an attempt to control behavior she saw as undesirable. Running circles outside until I wore the grass out and flapping my hands about was something I needed to feel ashamed about according to her. And so I hid that and everything else she criticized so hard that I couldn’t accept that the reason I struggled so hard with a lot of things in my life wasn’t because I was just some innate failure but because I had an unaddressed condition that was she not only refused to help with but actively made worse.
To this day I still cannot do things like make eye contact, or tolerate being touched. But I’ve learned to not only accept myself for who I am, but accept that little boy who never understood why his own mother never seemed to be able to love him.
I have to force myself to make eye contact when talking. I usually look away when talking, it helps me think. Some people think you aren’t being sincere but oh well.
💔
You can do everything right that people taught you. But you only start living when you make mistakes, fuck up, and find the places where you belong, and a picture perfect life doesn’t bring you happiness; it’s rather shallow and lonely.
That paired with the realization that my mental disabilities will make me lonely for the rest of my life and there’s only so much I can do about it without having breakdowns.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”
- Jean-Luc Picard
That I didn’t know who I was. My lack of self awareness hampered my growth trajectory, my maturity, and relationships. My first failed marriage was a pinnacle of this issue. Though, fast forward 5 years, I’m a vastly different person, know who I am and what I want and where I want to end up. I feel guilty for my ex wife and the impact I had on them. I hope they’re happier where ever they may be.
That sounds super healthy actually. Good outlook to have. We all make mistakes, what matters is if we learned from them.
Self discovery - the journey of a lifetime
Know thyself…congrats. I can say with certainty that the guilt of affecting ones close to you will never leave you. Light comes from darkness.
That I actually do have a bad temper and do get angry very easily, that my anger does not justify my verbal/physical reactions (nor was I ‘right’ just because I was angry) and that these reactions will hurt those I care about/those I don’t care about but still didn’t deserve my violence, which is a surefire way to end up in jail (perhaps) and in Hell (more likely).
For everyone who has similar issues, try to remember two things:
- Ambiguous behaviour does not mean aggressive behaviour.
- The flesh is weak. If you, in your anger, start a fight and perhaps just push someone and they crack their head and die/lose function, you’ll never live it down, you will always be the guy who killed someone in anger (and not even righteous anger, you’re just temperamental). And it can happen very quickly too! A good man cannot live with that, only a hell-bound one can, so either you’ll be oppressed by your guilt or you’ll realize you’ve lost your humanity and you’re a full on psycho.
If you’re gonna break the law, be smart about it. In the time it takes you to do it the right way, you probably will have these feelings pass. If not… get that shitter.
For me it was the discovery that my parents were shitty people on the narcissism spectrum. I had no clue, because when you grow up in a toxic environment, it’s your “normal” and all you know.
That no matter how often people said it as a kid, I’m not capable of anything I put my mind to. I’m not smart, I’m very very mediocre at best, and my interests don’t align with my capabilities so my only options for work are things I don’t generally want to do.
I only really had 2 goals in life, a third developed later, and I’ve failed at all if them. I wanted to be in a loving relationship (going on 40 and have been single for the last decade), to not be the person who hates going to their job every day, and eventually I started wanting to own a home because I found that I need space for the hobbies I enjoyed. It’s a Sinatra song right, 0 out of 3 ain’t bad? Something like that… Lol
Why won’t you try your luck at love again? Buying a house is easier done with a partner who works too…
That’s one part that’s really killing me, not having the relationship makes not having the house pretty much guaranteed.
It’s sorta complicated, but mostly I’m just not a desirable person and I live in an area that’s predominantly really really old people. With my lack of education and the general state of the economy, moving away from my job never felt smart and because of where I live moving is really complicated. I can’t get a new job first because the move would put to way too far for a commute so you’re stuck in that “how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?” situation.
I’m sorry you’re in such circumstances, yeah, it’s kinda shit… But hopefully you’re wrong about being undesirable and someone good and not too old comes along! Maybe it could start online? Anyway, sorry again, God bless you.
No worries, thanks for the kind words! Hope you have a great weekend! :)
not a desirable person
This is one thing you need to resolve. People pick up on this and it is self-sabotage. I bet you judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else does and things you think are bad about yourself no one even pays attention too.
As far as the other issues lots of people have dealt with it. You obviously need to move and I’d study what job opportunities are possible out there. I’d keep an open mind about what jobs I could do too. Save up what money you can to get a new place. I suspect you don’t have much stuff so the act of moving could be as easy as renting a u-haul. Jobs almost always will accommodate a new person if they need a few weeks to move if you tell them up front. Believe me, if I could do it anyone can.
On the plus side, you’re eloquent and express yourself very well. Any interest in writing/editing as a career or side hustle?
I appreciate the compliment!! I had thought about writing, but whenever I try I get like two sentences down and immediately start thinking “who the hell am I to be writing something?” I start feeling like a pretentious jerk and stop lol
Ugh, I hate the lie we’ve promoted for decades that “you can be anything!” and “you’re all special!”. No, we can’t all be anything we want. I’ll never be a rock star, I’ll never be a great athlete, etc. And we aren’t all special, we are more alike than we may care to admit.
Your specific issues may be due to unrealistic expectations. Do you hate jobs in general due to being on a schedule all the time? Should you have your own business? Look at what you choose in other people, what you look for may need to change since it has a bad track record. Look at your own behavior too, are you self sabotaging? Do you have bad traits like a short temper? As far as a house that has so many variables like where you live may just be too expensive, need to look harder for smaller and older homes in your price range, etc.
As far as the job goes, I just meant that my interests are more aligned with scientific research/discovery but that I’m in no way shape or form a “scientist.” I’m nowhere near smart enough for that. Other than that I do like fixing things, but I hate driving and I need a schedule. I hated being a service technician never knowing when the day would be over and having to get a call once I got home to go back out.
For the house, it’s 100% the area… Houses that are basically twice burned down, glorified sheds, once selling for $60k USD back in 2016 are now $250k+ it’s absolute insanity.
Are you qualified to be a technical assistant? You could get involved in a science oriented environment without, say, having a degree in a scientific field. It could be pharmacology, etc.
I’m not sure if I am qualified to do that, but I’d have to look into it. I appreciate the suggestions! Certainly would beat the dead end factory job I have now lol
That I come from a highly dysfunctional family and my entire personality is a reaction to them. I knew they were dysfunctional but I was in denial about their impact. Connecting with my true self had been a bitch.
The realization of how truely alone I am when everything started collapsing after our house was sold and how my parents who supposedly were suppose to love me, don’t love me and how I do have daddy issues because of this and I am not exactly as strong mentally as I thought of myself to be.
I only exist to care for the people I love, and without them I have nothing else to organize my life around.
Codependency is a bitch. But it’s never too late to start differentiating yourself.
If they care for you and love you back, that shouldn’t be a problem, right? Life is, and I’m quoting Solomon here, ultimately meaningless/vain/empty/vapor, what better life could we have than to love and be loved? Not everyone is a prophet/disease curing scientist/victorious revolutionary, the rest of us can focus on just enjoying our lives wisely (fearing God and keeping his commandments = being a good person in earnest), loving and being loved, as it fills us way better than food and shopping can.
I realized at about 20 that I can really hurt people by trying to whitewash reality and sweep the bad away.
I also have a hard time making friends and then maintaining those relationships. Would like to get better, but apparently not enough to actually do so? We’ll see. Life is searching.
