I used to be good at time management and very motivated in my career. Then about two years ago I lost a close friend over a strong disagreement and then lost my job.
Slowly but surely I became a bit depressed and had some physical health issues. I’m seeing a therapist already, and a few months ago I finally managed to get a plebe job at a retailer, but when it comes to doing my personal work that would open doors in my industry I just can’t seem to find the time and motivation to do it.
Don’t get me wrong. I got plenty of time available, I just find myself being ridiculously avoidant or distracted or tired, you get the idea. And, no, I don’t use social media much, I don’t videogame or binge shows. I just get distracted with house chores or simply overthinking.
I’ve already tried lists, planning and goal setting ( all this comes naturally to me), but it makes no difference.
I’ve tried reducing the expectations and goals, no difference. I still don’t do anything.
I tried apps to keep track of my progress; also useless.
I’ve even considered finding a life coach, but I get the feeling they’re a scam. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends or relatives that can help me stay on track with my goals.
TLDR I’m getting a bit desperate here. Any suggestions welcome. Thanks.
They only advice I can give you is there is no trick or fix. You are going to fail and that is okay. You have to think of it like a muscle. You don’t start with 600 lbs weights. You start at like a 6 lbs weights and work your muscles up.
Building focus is the same way create very small goals maybe it’s write one paragraph of your resume then stop. You built up your motivation muscle just a little bit.Then when that becomes a habit add more goals and maybe bigger goals as you go along.
The biggest issue I find is people make goals around results and sometimes those results are not in your control. So people think they failed their goal and got discouraged but framing your goals about what you are doing keeps you going. As you celebrate the accomplishment of the journey of doing not achieving as that is just a byproduct of what you are doing.
Muscle*
Can one of our available scientists please confirm how much lbs a mussle can bench-press?
This is depression. Right now, it is no one’s job to worry about your effectiveness in performance and absolutely not to pass judgement on yourself for those considerations. It is your job to work with your therapist, heal, and self empathize. Try to remember that depression is not something you have but something you lack. Depression usually presents as a lack of motivation. So, focus on you and fuck anyone EVERYONE who says otherwise. If it needs to then productivity will come. And if not, who cares?! You do you cuz!
Okay, how do I focus on me? I’m trying to, I’ve signed up for some activities, I sometimes turn down work shifts if I feel tired or just not in the mood. But I’m still missing the motivation
do things that bring you joy! hobbies, especially those from your childhood, are perfect for this
one must be careful not to sabotage the slef. it will become very angry
one cannot reason with the slef, the slef merely knows what it does and charges through all obstacles before it, like the single-minded demented humunculus it is
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Thanks for sharing, it’s an unusual take. This doesn’t work for me for a variety of reasons but gives me food for thought.
I do this:
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Tell myself I’m not going to do it. What ever it is, I’m not going to do it.
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Do the bare minimum thing like: open up a word document, turn on a tap to wash dishes, take something out of a box.
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By commencing the task I’ll usually default into doing the next part like reading the document, washing a dish, sorting something out.
Additional tips:
- Break big things into small chunks.
- Dont get overloaded. If your a room do it one draw at a time so you can stop when ever. Getting trapped in a “I can’t sleep until this is finished” task is a trap.
- Lists to keep track.
P.S. I was in recruitment 13 years ago and once thought about throwing myself down the stairs to get out of work. I did that job for 2x years and used it to move to a better industry.
You can make change in your life.
Good luck, we’re all counting on you :)
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Reading the book “Atomic Habits” helped me.
Can you do something different for your career? Seems like you hate it.
Sounds like you’re still working through depression to me. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal and work through things, I’m glad you’ve found a therapist that’s a great step. Do you think you want to go back to the industry or could you be avoiding it subconsciously? Something that has helped me a lot is journaling, you can wipe down your goals and break them down into smaller goals if needed.
I know I want to go back, what I’m not sure about is the precise reason behind the avoidance. Because I am absolutely avoiding it.
Something to talk to your therapist about maybe. Definitely focus on yourself as your priority though. Do things which make you happy, exercise, seeing friends / family, spending time outside.
This is the main reason I’m going to therapy, of course this is in the menu
Slef
I don’t believe you’re spending all your time “overthinking” or “doing chores”. Stop bullshitting yourself. Try harder.
You accomplish years and years of intense, highly productive and rewarding work then this happens. It’s not about puckering up. Be curious. People have stated things like “depression” and “executive dysfunction”. You can look these up, there are plenty of resources.
I used to think like you before this happened to me. I’ll try harder nonetheless
