1- Golf Ball. Tee shot to the forehead. I heard it before i felt it. “What was that?..Oh fuck!!”

2- I was helping a kid at special Olympics bowling who wore a hard helmet. No one told me he could be violent. He threw his head back and bashed me between the eyes. That the day i learned that seeing stars is a real thing.

Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.

Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.

Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.

Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.

Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.

Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet’s office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.

Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.

Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.

Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.

There’s probably more that I’m forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)

I was still growing and wasn’t aware of how tall I had gotten and jumped over a box in a doorway, I hit my head on the doorframe, woke up on the ground with a busted doorframe.

When I was really little, my uncle was pulling me behind a motorcycle on one of those plastic kids sleds and I rolled off face first into a pine tree.

Or maybe it was a couple years later when I got in a fight in line to go to the library and a kid grabbed the back of my head and smashed my temple onto the corner of a Formica countertop.

Or it could be when I caught the biggest guy in my Army unit jerking it and couldn’t keep my mouth shut and he did his level best to break my jaw. He must’ve had 6" and 100 lbs on me. Fortunately my head got in the way and I had to get stitches in my forehead from the punch and in the back of my head from the doorway he knocked my head into.

There were some other contenders, but those three all involved stitches and none of the others did.

Classic. Dropped on head as a baby. Small fracture behind my ear. Fucked up my balance for a while, apparently moving just a little bit would cause me to get dizzy and puke. No permanent issues, but I blame it for my inability to ride a unicycle.

Diamond, technically. It’s not the hardest thing in existence but probably the hardest my head has made contact with.

I fell on my head in a roller derby bout once. It must have looked pretty ugly because the refs stopped the jam immediately; But, in anticlimactic fashion, my S1 did a great job protecting my noggin.

I had a bit of a headache but no concussion.

Sledding as probably a 4-year-old. Ran straight into a metal picket fence post. Had quite the goose egg.

When I was in elementary school there was a kid that kept bullying me. One day I was walking home with my older brother, and the jerk was chucking rocks at us. We both kind of ignored him until he pelted me in the side of the head, leaving a nasty ass welt. My brother chased him down after that, picked him up, and threw the jerk and his skateboard across the road. I didn’t get fucked with again, and later on in high school the guy apologized to me.

I don’t really talk to my brother anymore after he pulled a gun on my friend he was dating, but I’ll always remember the time he defended the fuck out of me.

I suppose running down the stairs when I was 5 or 6. Look I was really excited to use those stickers. Tumbled head over heels down the basement stairs and struck the top of my head on the support beam at the bottom. Ended up getting stitches, a bear stuffy, and topical cocaine so obviously I came out ahead

First and last snowboard lesson. Long time ago. Never again.

Swimming.

Miscounted strokes while doing backstroke. Right on the soft spot of the head.

When I was younger I fell off a homemade merry go round some neighbors had built. Got hit in the back of the head by one of the horses as I tried to get up. Ended up with staples and a lovely scar.

As a child, running as fast as I could, I didn’t see some sort of horizontal metal bar at about my forehead’s height. I bounced and fell backwards to the ground.

Playing football during PE class a lifetime ago. I’m not sure what happened exactly but I got knocked out and regained consciousness face down in the grass.