Asking both questions here. Please don’t be too political here, it’s a timeless issue and that’s the angle I’m asking from.
Especially in an age which no longer is lenient towards it (not that any era did; I’m sure the most ancient of knights did not wish to fall for it), it always surprises me how dogmatically people treat their intuition, as in there are people who will say “that’s definitely a guy” or “that’s definitely a girl” even though a trip down Google lane will show how easy it is to have “definitely a guy” vibes as a girl or “definitely a girl” vibes as a guy.
My voice over the phone is ambiguous and I was calling customer service for a sport company one day, and half-way through the call, they held their hand on the part of the phone they speak in (poorly, which is why I still heard them) to refer to the “ma’am” on the other side (me), and quick-thinking me imitated the old man from the demonic furby clip saying “I’m a sir”, to everyone’s laughter. I’m only humorous when it’s adequate to get the message across.
I’m not often misgendered by my looks, the last time that happened I was in school wearing pink and a teacher thought I was a girl. And I think I’ve only misgendered someone once for the same reason.
I thought to ask this seeing people really hammer into people about what gender a friend of mine must be even though it’s not the friend’s gender. Like, take this picture of the friend for example, what gender comes to your mind looking at that (you can count that as a side question and a “second opinion” question to an earlier one)? What made you say this with certainty?
It’s not uncommon for my phone voice to be misgendered. I don’t especially care, so I often don’t bother correcting them if I don’t expect to ever talk to them again.
take this picture of the friend for example
Hey I know this one. White and gold, final answer.
Couple weeks ago. I live in a very “traditional” part of the world and long hair isn’t common on men, especially well taken care of long hair. If I’m not wearing a cap, people often get confused before they see my beard. I don’t mind it, honestly.
Don’t remember the last time I misgendered someone, really.
When I was 6 my mom cutted my hair really short because I had lice and a woman though I was a boy.
I was a tall and thin teenage girl, wore heels, hung out in gay bars, not gay but they were a safe space for weird kids, sometimes when wearing lotsa makeup got mistaken for drag queen, wasn’t there to pick up guys, obviously, so didn’t have to care. So last time was very, very long ago.
But I just address people now how they present, and since it’s gotten more complicated it’s also become fine to ask people how they would like to be addressed, do they have a choice of pronouns, whatever. It’s not rocket science, just be nice.
I do it often. Some people you just can’t tell. But I don’t really care about gender in a social context since it’s entirely constructed and holds no purpose.
If you are misgendered and it offends you, it means you hold social prejudice against specific genders. Whether that be societal expectations, society’s perception of beauty or braun, or gender roles within society, your opinion is that these are true. Being offended is just your opinions being conflicted with and in this case, you’re being told that you are a thing in society that you have a negative opinion of, enough to be offended.
Disagree?
Well what is the main reason women are offended for being mistook as a man? And what is the main reason men are offended for being mistook as a woman? To be offended, you must think these things are true.
Take away your opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint: “I have been harmed.” Take away the complaint that “I have been harmed” and the harm is taken away.
