It gets better bro.

I’m 33 and I was in a worse situation:

• Started getting depressed in 2011 at the age of 20
• Graduated in CS in 2016, super late, but with top grades
• Started working as a software developer, hated it
• For a few years I switched between working in a local computer shop and uni to get a master’s degree
• Again, I graduated super late in 2021 but with top grades
• Still hated working as a developer and now hated working as a technician too
• At the end of 2021, I got a call from my old high school, they needed someone to teach programming
• Decide to give it a try, absolutely love it
• Suddenly, depression is gone and I have a reason to get up in the morning
• A 10 year old nightmare is over, still single though

• 23 y/o
• Graduated 2022 with CS with shitty grades
• Unskilled, struggling to learn tech-stack
• Still jobless, stopped applying about a year ago
• Still living with parents
• No friends, no partners
• Quit all social media, except Lemmy, where I’m anonymous
• Have a bunch of medical issues, but can’t afford
• Stuck in the world’s most populous country, where employers are disposable and paid shitty wages
• No insurance, no security, no land, no place to call home

I dropped out of my university in my first year. I was a music major, and my orchestra director set up a gofundme so that family and friends and teachers from my old high school could all get together to purchase an instrument for me I can use in school because my family was broke and couldn’t afford it. But I stayed at home instead of living on campus, and since my family life was so chaotic, the stress of everything happening at home on top of taking on a huge course load made me lose my academic scholarship, and the thought of taking out student loans to be a gigging musician seemed like a guaranteed way to never escape poverty. I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing. The deadline passed, and I fell into a deep depression that took years to get out of.

I had to start working in various blue collar environments until I had enough money to move out with my partner, who turned out to be really shitty once we started living together so then I had to find a place by myself, then I went back to a technical college to get some IT certs, and eventually stumbled into my first “big boy” job doing IT for a large warehouse. Since then, I’ve doubled my salary by hopping between a few different tech jobs, and I even get to play in a local symphony with the same instrument that was given to me for school.

It took about 5 years of wafting around after dropping out of college, and my mental health was in the shitter for most of that, but going through that stress made me the person I am today, and for the first time in my life, I kind of like who I am. With that said, I didn’t have the time to enjoy life with how much I was working and am trying to make up for lost time now. But it’s so much easier to do that now that I have disposable income and a comfortable place to sleep every night.

TL;DR Your early 20s suck and there’s going to be a lot of stress – thats unavoidable unless you’re a nepo baby. Just roll with it and don’t forget to have fun every now and then. You’ll figure it out.

I have been struggling with my career for about 4-5 years now. I am already 33. Life takes a while to settle. There is no rush and definitely no need to stress about it. Loops are pretty common. You are not too old. 21 is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

So yes and no. Some of this depends on what sort of “loop” you’re stuck in, which I can’t answer unless I have more details. The rest doesn’t depend as much on that.

On one hand, 21 is extremely young—which means you have an absurd amount of wiggle room and time to course correct, even if you’ve done some really dumb stuff.

On the other hand, time only starts to move faster and if you don’t commit to course correct at some point you’ll end up a lot older in a way tougher spot.

I think the answer here is some sort of average of extremes (like it is for most things in life). You shouldn’t worry about the future too much because you’re so young, but you should start taking action to course correct now so that the next 5-10 years are easier.

I wouldn’t bother with a degree unless it is required for your chosen career path.

You’ll save time and money by entering the workforce in a lower position now and working towards a promotion.

There are a lot of people out there with degrees entirely unrelated to their work and or earning wages similar to people who didn’t bother with uni and they have a student loan to pay back on top of that.

If you have your heart set on higher education, look at the open university, courses are designed so that you can do them in your free time and are substantially cheaper than “proper” uni with degrees that are worth just as much.

I just want to add some context as a person that’s going grey.

You are still incredibly young in your 20s. There’s still so much time left for you.

It’s the ideal time to drop out. Think things over and find some purpose or direction.

Or not.

So much is made about knowing your course in life, when often learning to drift the right way can be far more enjoyable.

So yeah, not exactly a call to hedonism, but try to find what you enjoy and where your ambition lies then make positive steps to get there.

Dude, you’re barely in your 20s. You’re fine.

If you continue with the school route, do it for the least amount of $$ you can.

I dropped out of art school at 21, and got my AA at 37. Finally have an actual “career” now.

There will always be someone who is beating you in a metric (buying houses, having kids, promotions, pay, relationships, etc…) fixating on it will drive you mad.

Instead you should compare your current status against where you were and appreciate how you are moving forward

As for age

During university my best mate was 27 who dropped out of his final year, grabbed a random job, then went to college to get a BTEC so they could start the degree.

It was similar in my graduate intake, we had a 26 year old who had been a brickie for 5 years before getting a comp sci degree.

The first person I line managed was a junior 15 years older than me, who had a completely different career stream. They had the house, kids, had managed big teams, etc… honestly I learnt tons from them.

I went to uni right out of highschool. Became a paramedic. Has a good career but it just wasn’t what I wanted. By 25 I quit and was travelling doing odd jobs or whatever I could. Meeting people, seeing places. It wasn’t easy but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve been many places, done many things, met so many interesting people and completely changed my world view from when I was 20 because of it all.

I say don’t let society tell you what is right or normal. Find your own path. Do things you find interesting and don’t make your life about your work. Now I am old and have medical issues. I’ll be 50 this year. I’m glad I lived while I had the opportunity. It’s your life make it what you want it to be not someone else’s idea of life.

You’ll be fine. You are incredibly young. I just started over with a new career at 45. I have friends my age who are back in school. Maybe try not to have kids since that will make this all harder. But then again, have em if you want em.

I didn’t stress. I avoided stress. When my classes got too stressful I stopped going. When paying for school got too stressful I dropped out. When working my shitty computer tech job got too stressful I went down to part-time and started falling behind on rent. When I lost the apartment, telling my family was too stressful so I just became homeless for a while.

That was the crisis. That was the lowest point.

Maybe tolerating just a little more stress would have been good for me.