The final boss has decided to nap on my lap. Now would be a great time to reach for the sword but I’m incapable of moving. I’m losing this battle, help!

Whoa, that’s deeper than deep space, bro. *exhales*

Well, there’s a stronger case being made every day for flinging ourselves into the sun.

Planets Gone Wild

Oh god, I wouldn’t touch salvia divinorum either unless you want an intense, mind-melting trip that lasts 5 minutes and a sweaty itch all over your body that lasts for 8. That’s not a recreational trip, that’s for people who want to feel uncomfortable as a new life experience.

Daaad!

Oh, hell no. Get back in your ice cube, beotch.

He’s even incompetent at lying.

They’re obviously full of plants and algae!

No, I used to be in that phase but things change

I don’t see the problem.

*exhales* Anybody else wanna hit this shit? It’s so good.

Doing too much. All you have to do is find the chicken leg shape near the midwest.

You wouldn’t believe it, but this is actually a direct sample from his brain.

I love my artists. Without their graceful hands, I would’ve never made it through school with much depth!

Alan Turing, the father of modern computer science. I’d also probably s his d because he’s technically a dilf. 🫦

Yup, you’re especially at risk from liver worms from things like watercress and other usual parasites when animals defecate over crops, or from farmers using egg-infested water. Always wash and disinfect.

I wish I had a friend I wouldn’t think twice about donating an organ to. In my experience, people tend to be less than grateful when I go the extra mile for them, having had that happen four separate times in five years. If I had given anyone a kidney and I had to terminate that friendship over their behavior, I’d be very sour about it.

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. Dude is supposed to be an archeologist but he’s too busy breaking & entering into sacred temples while trampling artifacts to get his dirty hands on some golden relic for profit. Smdh

I like these odds. Being a penguin sounds like generalized anxiety with an extra layer of flubber.

I thought it said working overtime at the Disney factory and I thought to myself yup 🤡🪄🔮✨