It does sound like you are lonely.
I quite like being alone and doing things alone, because I am not often alone so it is luxurious and indulgent.

If you think everyone in the world except you is a loud drunk idiot, that might explain why you are so often alone though. Why in the world would you judge everyone else and hold yourself apart? There is zero chance that you are not like anyone else in the world and the rest of us just suck.

On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Sounds to me like you just havent met the right people to be friends with yet.

I love being and spending time alone, but I couldnt do it all the time. I think most people cant, humans are social beings by nature.

Try meeting people who enjoy the same hobbies you do, maybe those interactions will offer you some enjoyment.

You’re not as strange as you think, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re still quite young (20s?). Your 20s are largely about trying to fit in and following social conventions - you do all the things you think you’re “supposed to”. As you hit your 30s, you stop caring so much about what other people think and what other people have told you that you’re supposed to do and start figuring out what you want to do. A big part of growing up is learning that there are no “rules”; you can eat candy for breakfast if you want, sing in the shower, be an absolute cringe goblin - sky’s the limit so long as you’re not hurting anyone.

Finding a partner to avoid being alone is a terrible, terrible idea for all involved. Learn to enjoy your own company first and figure out what you actually want your life to look like, then you’ll be much more likely to find someone going the same direction. Figure out who you want to be and take the steps to becoming that person. Be unapologetically yourself, and you’ll find people who like you for you, which is absolutely preferable to trying to fit yourself into a tiny box of what you think you’re supposed to be and earning the admiration of people you despise.

As some other commenters have mentioned, investigate whether you may be neurodivergent, because you’ll be much more able to make sense of yourself and the world around you with that knowledge if you are.

“the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now …” Nothing wrong with solitude but you’ve really got to get out and meet more people. Most people are not like this.

What you’re looking for is a dog!

Have you thought about writing and publishing your experiences from life and hobbies that other people could learn from?

You’ve identified the risk here: die forgotten and alone slumped over beside the toilet in a bus station bathroom stall. As you slowly slip the surly bonds of earth, you hear the bustle of people out in the station; children laughing, families chatting, lovers arm in arm. You think back over your own life and realize your sole purpose was to serve a warning to others. You stare down at your mismatched clown shoes, piss soaked pants, then wipe the tears from your grimy soot-caked face with a sore covered hand.

Want a different fate? Start by realizing there is more to it than your personality. Being an introvert is fine, but you have to not use that as an excuse to ignore the fear part of it; the fear of people, fear of relationships, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt. Nobody succeeds in life without stepping out of their comfort zone. You dont need to rage in a mosh pit with the juggalos to find a partner. Just be open and take small tangible steps. Join a dance class, start a book group. Write essays on Substack of the joys of quiet walks. There are billions of people on this planet and millions of them are perfectly compatible with you. Dont quit the game because you hate the rules. Master the play and win your due rewards.

become a doctor so you can be doctor strange

I enjoy solitude as well and I also would align with most things you mention here but I do think there is a slight undertone of superiority here when you look down on others who need to yell and need music etc. Others do them. You do you. It’s respectable even if we don’t get it. I definitely don’t get it. But I also feel like it’s not my place to yuck their yum.

Existential crisis. No your existence doesn’t actually matter in the great scope of things. It’s ok. Just be you.

I can’t really say anything of what you’ve described sounds strange. What you’ve written seems to mostly suggest that maybe it needn’t concern you too much how strange, if at all, you actually are because your usual preference for solitude and pretty healthy enjoyment of your own company kinda speaks to you having everything you need for contentment and fulfilment entirely within your reach and means already. You could potentially be more insulated from the feelings of insecurity and doubt and anxiety that comes from a more outward facing and sociable set of needs and that doesn’t make you strange. Viewed that way, it seems like your problems are mostly coming from when you start comparing, which tends to be where most people’s lives start to feel worse. When there’s some sense that you’re supposed to leave a legacy, or you’re supposed to want a companion, such thinking can get corrosive to general well being even when you were pretty happy before.

That said, you have indicated some concern for how others perceive you, indicated some enjoyment from and importance paid to having and maintaining relationships with other people, so maybe that really is something you’re missing and it’s causing you a little bit of anguish. That’s a more complicated problem, but also a pretty common part of the human experience and can cause a lot problems for people. It doesn’t sound like you’re “too strange” for others to want you in their lives and to share connection with you in any way though. That sounds like a self imposed restriction that’s unlikely to be something anyone around you really picks up on or considers.

If you are feeling alienated and isolated, this could be for a number of reasons that would be hard to get to the bottom of from your lemmy post alone but I think it might help you to know that you are signalling a certain kind of contempt for people that could be a contributing factor. You don’t need to suddenly enjoy drinking or loud music if you don’t like either but you don’t and probably shouldn’t look down upon people who do or dismiss them all as idiots on that basis. If you really do want more human contact and feel like the lack of it is leaving you depressed it would help if you could be more embracing of human differences. This has an effect even when trying to form a connection with people who, like you, don’t necessarily want loud music or alcohol for a good time. People tend to pick up on negative attitudes towards others as a whole and for the most part it drives them away. I’m afraid I’ve come across as preachy here and you’ll have stopped reading by this point but honestly, I really am trying to help here. If you look back at some of the wording of your post, a couple of things stand out to me

I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think

And

the world offers me

If by making your post you really are interested in another’s perspective here, I’ll say that these two statements taken together are telling. The talkative people you have such a problem with probably really do think you care what they think and that’s not a sin on their part, it’s kind of a prerequisite for successful human connection which they are trying to make and thought they had, is that so wrong of them? They need to care what you think and you need to care what they think otherwise what are the two of you actually doing here? Granted there will be times when people misread signals and are mistaken in thinking they’ve made a successful connection with you but you needn’t judge them for that, they want and deserve human contact at least as much as you and they have done nothing wrong by trying to establish it, they’re putting in the work and you’re response to this is immature and ungrateful. You’re not obliged to accept their attempts to connect with you if you find you’re incompatible but this contempt that you allow to build is toxic and will get in the way of you ever managing to find someone you do care about and or convincing them to care about you. The second of those statements I’ve singled out sums up where your thinking on this might have gone astray: the world isn’t offering you anything and doesn’t really have an obligation nor tendency to do so, it’s just us people here, on this rock together and in order to get along and live fulfilling lives it’s we, not the world, who must do the offering ourselves . If you’re unhappy with the quality of the people you perceive as being “offered” to you by the world you might want to reflect on what you’re offering them in return exactly. So far it sounds like if someone tries to talk to you or include you, you’ll be secretly or perhaps not so secretly, resenting them for assuming you care what they think or talking too much, or you’ll consider them to be idiots because of their music tastes or enjoyment of drinking.

Again different strokes for different folks, you don’t have to suddenly pretend or force yourself to like doing things you don’t like, but at least don’t hold it against other people for not being the same as you and try to be generous with them and let them surprise you. Your self sufficiency and self reliance are great assets and maybe they could make such generosity for you, a less risky proposition, you might have less to lose since at least you don’t crave human contact in an unhealthy way like some, or suffer from the same anxiety about how you’re perceived as some, and so hopefully wouldn’t have to risk being hurt or suffering greater depression if your efforts don’t pan out.

Good luck any way. I hope things get better for you one way or another.

If it smells like dogshit everywhere you go, check your shoes.