Not to brag but I’m a pretty confident person in my social circle. I’m funny, make people laugh etc. etc.
Basically, I am adored by everybody.
But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.
However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I’m not present. I, again, don’t feel anything when people talk shit about me when I’m not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.
Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don’t see anything bad about this.
It’s also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?
Some people are saying lack of compliments as a child, some are saying neglect.
I personally feel similarly much of the time. My parents would compliment me or tell me they are proud but usually just my mother and usually after my sibling did something and we are talking about how proud my mom is of them, like she forgot about me and “oh yeah I’m proud of you too, you do stuff too probably. You weirdo.”
My dad was emotionally detached and made jokes I could never get because I was a kid without the background knowledge to understand what the joke was. I’m not my mom’s favorite and that was always pretty clear. As I’ve grown up I’ve realized my mom’s favorite might be herself first, as she often makes many things about her, or changes topics to be about her.
I’m so accustomed to hearing things I can do better that those seem more comfortable to me. I know what to focus on and how I can try and improve. Or, someone just doesn’t like me or wants to complain and there isn’t anything I can do, I’m just there in their way of existing.
Generally with compliments I’ll say “thanks” or “thank you” but I’m more comfortable with critical feedback I can use to better myself in some way.
I don’t know your background, I can’t say why you feel the way you do. But you aren’t alone in feeling that way, ‘normal’ or not. If it causes you anxiety or other discomfort for extended periods of time I would suggest trying to work that out with someone, even just a diary if possible to get your thoughts down.