At one of the no kings rallies, I feel something hit me in the back. Turn around to see a small girl running over to get the large Styrofoam sign that the wind had blown out of her hands.

She looks up saying “I’m sorry!”.

“It’s ok, I’m not a space shuttle, I can survive being hit by a foam block”.

Crickets.

Short version was getting a remote control vibrator for my dog but that’s only because the fancy corection collars with them built in are so expensive

My cousin was starting driving lessons and asked me if I know any material to know more about cars in general (I don’t know how to drive neither much into cars and she knows that). I suggested to watch Cars documentary on Disney which was so successful that they created 2 sequels

I live nearish to a military base so a lot of local businesses have a military/veteran discount.

At the store I buy dog food at, the staff are so tired of asking about it that they have shortened “are you a member of the military?” to “any military?”

After I noticed it a few times that every single employee in the store shortened it that way, I started answering “there is one, but I’m not in it.”

Loooots of blank stares. I stopped since apparently nobody gets it or they don’t think it’s funny. I think it’s the former but idk 🤷

Working in the OR. Anesthesiologist draws up some fentanyl, and I asked him if it was enriched. He looked at me like I’m a dumbass and asked “with what?”

-_-

I make 3d models for 3d printing. Usually cute shit.

I made these little “snow baby” decorations. And I took a photo of them.
One is holding a brick that says “to ices” on it. The other is holding a Molotov cocktail. Literally no one. Not a single one of my friends who knows I would 100% pull this, has noticed.

Not a single one.

I posted it twice just to try to get people to look at it again .

Here you are.

It’s not very funny if I have to tell people, you know?

I made a joke about a roof, but it was over everyone’s heads.

It was a rooster! Get it?! A rooster!! (uncontrollable laughter sets in).

Oh, I’ve got such a good one. In high school, I was in Science Olympiad (basically a science club). I was always kind of a wishy-washy member, never really a serious or particularly reliable member. But one day, the club needed designs for a new shirt, and they decided to ask the members for some designs that the members would then vote on. I decided to submit a satire shirt.

I obviously can’t share the full design for privacy reasons, but I went ahead and made it jingoistic/military themed. Fighter jets flying overhead, tanks rolling through. To make sure that people knew I was being totally serious about this clearly relevant shirt, I put a stick figure holding a science-looking flask in the corner of the shirt. And then to make sure that everyone knew that we were smart, I put the equation: “3+3=6.” All text in comic sans, of course.

Anyways, no one got the joke. My design got 1 pity vote. I don’t think anyone even believed me when I said that it was a joke, which out of everything was kind of the saddest part for me.