Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn’t have a wrapper.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn’t choke to death on your Nikes.
This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you’ve got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
Bear is Kodiak, you are trespassing and you will be shot.
Black bears are pretty skittish, so usually acting big & loud is enough to make them jog away, but I’m not sure someone could take them in a fight if the black bear was cornered.
Speaking of which, bears are extremely protective of their cubs, so if you ever see any cubs, running away from them at full speed is probably the best choice.
Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.
180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter’s ability. Unless you’re counting the time it takes to bleed out.
Or total time it takes to be consumed
10 seconds of fighting, 170 seconds of screaming while being ripped apart.
Maybe that’s counting the time taken by the polar bear to catch up to the
runnerfighter from the farthest distance they are capable to lock-onto a target.
Tall snow doggos
Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They’ll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
The ancient drawing was by a caveman trying to convince his caveman bros that he could totally take a polar bear.
Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
Polar bears are very curious animals, so if you back away while slowly undressing they will stop to inspect each piece of clothing, giving you time to get away.
They are also one of the few, next to tigers, land predators that actually have a taste for human blood. The nature of a polar bear thinks it can eat it then it will certainly try. You also absolutely cannot out run them.
is the fear of this bear why we’re so intent in melting the icecaps?
“I can take 'im. I got my AR-15. Hold my beer…”
“I don’t know about this, Tommy…”
Don’t puss out on me no…"
Crunch. Snap. Scream.
Motorcycle helmets are purposefully not-hard. Odd comparison.
Where’s that “imma fight a gorilla” guy when you need him?
The bear in the mural does not look tall enough to look in a second story window. Is that a young one?
Are your second story windows at floor height?
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Eeeep!
Still rather a bear than a man though, amirite?
In the woods. You don’t see polar bears in the woods.
If you see a bear off trail, that’s normal.
If you see a man off trail, you are being followed.
How hard is it to understand?
It’s not about which one women would rather fight, is about which one they would rather encounter when they expect to be alone.
Also, the worst bears can do is maul you to death on the spot. The worst men can do is rape, torture, and maim you for weeks before killing you.
