I am low on money these days and my life is hell for it. I have to do with substandard everything in my life I recently had an incident where an elderly woman asked me for money while roaming the street with her family begging for money. I had no money to spare, but had I had any, I wouldn’t have given a penny to her (Life is tough, I can’t give away money I didn’t earn)
But, she later said something which melted my heart, “Majboori hai beta!” (Hindi) “We don’t want to do this, but we have to do it son” (now add some emotional value to it), I didn’t know what to do, I was on my cycle and I could feel their eyes on me as I passed them and I just peddled faster with teary eyes.
I didn’t know how to deal with that. i.e., I don’t have enough money for medical necessities or to improve the standard of living of my own life, but I was being asked to spare change by a poor family that was demonstrably in a worse spot than me.
I was always taught that if you give beggars money, they will spend it all on alcohol (not blaming them), and given the number of beggars who have come to be smelling like alcohol and death with wobbly balance, it has been a rule not to provide them with money. Also, let’s not forget, if you’re really poor (homeless and have nothing to lose) and you are really desperate, you are often dangerous i.e., not someone around whom your kids can roam, again, not blaming them. But… I don’t know what is right or wrong in this situation!
How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?
edit: This kinda reminds of a story about Jesus where a prince once came to him and told him that he isn’t at peace with himself no matter what he does, and Jesus told him that to get peace he must give away everything to the poor and follow Jesus around and the prince refused (something along those lines).
I know what the most moral thing might be in this case, but even if you tell me that I should give money to those who live in abject poverty, I probably won’t do it as often as I should.
Years ago, I used to live in a neigborhood just down from what they called ‘the projects.’ Those who couldn’t get into Section 8 housing would spill over onto the streets. One time we had a pretty harsh cold snap. Several people died. A few of us started buying tents, sleeping bags, and blankets from Costco and handing them out to those camping on the sidewalks or side streets.
Now, we live in an area that has pretty good food and housing non-profits, so we donate to them every year. I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.
During COVID, a local non-profit with an urban garden set up an outdoor fridge and pantry for those sleeping around the perimeter. The non-profit would load it up with any excess produce. But word got out and people started donating, usually leftovers from restaurants. We started going to discount grocery stores and buying bulk foods and stocking up the fridge once a month. Took the kids and had them do the stocking up, just to normalize it.
We’re beyond lucky not to be in that situation and feel strongly that we should help where we can. Paying it forward and all. I don’t think anyone who is pinched should feel bad, but those who can afford it, should.
We’ve never mentioned any of this to any friends or family. I only bring it up here, hoping more people feel inspired to step up.
I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.
I think that’s a good rule, but it’s not for everyone, i.e., People actually would like to see their money do good, (it’s easier to see a thankful smile on someone than get a digital message on a website) and let’s not forget, people would have to do their own research before donating, because let’s be honest, there so many scammy non-profits made to make money for their corporate overlords (not to mention the conversion rate), if a non-profit is separately pooling money for administration expenses, I would be more likely to trust them. Also, rest of the comment is pretty nice, thanks for the comment!
I’ll give to our local food bank. The money goes a lot farther than if I give it to someone who spends it on junk food at the corner store.
I used to ask for spare change when I was younger. Never poor, just young and hitchhiking around for fun. It’s fun to have little interactions with strangers. Don’t give money away that you can’t afford to give and don’t feel bad about it. You can give them respect and dignity just by talking to them. Yeah there are plenty of scammers out there, if you gift something to someone it’s out of your hands. Don’t get too butt hurt if you see them with a forty in a paper bag later. If they’re not pushy I’ll hand them a twenty sometimes just to see the look on their face.
Just treat them like a human being instead of like a streetlamp or something. Speak to them. Ask them how they’re doing (I know the answer is probably “shit” but still, let them talk about it if they want to). I know it’s tempting to just ignore them because saying you don’t want to or can’t give them money is awkward, but imagine being in that situation, how humiliating it must be to sit on the floor, literally beneath everyone, grovelling to strangers. Show them the same humanity you’d expect to be shown if it were you on the floor. Even “sorry, but no” is better than being ignored. Maybe chat to them about their day or something if you can’t or don’t want to give money. Help look up the location of a local soup kitchen or shelter or something if they don’t have a phone. If they’re recently homeless you may be able to give them legal advice in terms of getting a roof back over their heads (I say “recently” bc in some places an eviction notice can be used to access social housing, if the eviction was ages ago they might not have the relevant documentation anymore).
And also frankly, when I do give money to homeless people, I don’t care if they spend it on drugs. If I’m giving someone money I’m giving them money. It’s their money now. I wouldn’t tell you how to spend your money, and I wouldn’t tell a homeless person how to spend their money. If they ask for help to overcome their addiction I’d do my best to signpost them, but I’m not going to force them if they don’t want it. If what they want is drugs then they’re going to get that one way or another, if not with money people gave them out of charity then through stealing or something else.
I give. But also I talk, I listen, I don’t toss a coin and ignore.
I genuinely take the time to talk to someone. If they seem nice, safe, and don’t strike me as being “impulsively dangerous”, I might invite them to share a meal with me, or to a café.
Obviously I can’t do this for everyone, but when I’m low on money like you, I might literally just invite someone to my home and make them a piece of toast, ask them what their day to day is like, if it sounds like they need an old blanket, give them one if I’ve got a spare.
As you should? You can’t think like that. In a religious sense, sure. If you have two coats you stole one from the poor, to paraphrase Dorothea Parker.
But in real life, it’s more like the airplane advice, put on your air mask first then help others with theirs. In an absolute sense you will be able to give more if you take care of yourself. If you only have $2 and give someone $1 of it you are an angel, but if you can make more and feel comfortable giving $10 that is more helpful to someone.
You didn’t create this problem, you just live in it, and you can’t single handedly fix it. Take care of yourself and give as you can, and speak out when you can.
