What are some passive aggressive signals or signs you see? Could be from co workers, strangers, that supposed friendly baker last week.
It rustles my jimmies when someone is pulling off that smiling friendly attitude but they’re actually being sarcastic or make off hand comments about me. It’s almost like a way to goad me into being the arsehole of the conversation.
What about you?
As I was first scrolling, I read this title as “Passive Aggressive Sandals” and now that’s all I choose to think about.
Crocs unabashedly WITH socks, right in your face.
My mother was super passive aggressive. I grew up to consider it normal and it took me a while to see ot for what it is. Just like you describe, her style was a friendly demeanor coupled with acid remarks. And the remarks were absolutely on purpose, I know this because she would often tell me how smartly she gave so and so a comeback and so on, and how they felt ashamed but didn’t say anything back at her etc etc.
I was also on her line of fire sometimes, oh boy. It was so tough to recognise it but once I did I stood up against it. Whenever I see people behaving like that on a regular basis I just try my best not to interact with them.
Honestly, most accusations of passive aggression seem to be from people used to more blunt social mores towards people with more circumspect ones.
But passive aggression IS real, and comes down to one thing: Trying to have conflict without confrontation; trying to attack or criticise others without allowing for response.
Phrasing a request by stating a desire that someone do the thing is not passive-agressive. Writing an angry anonymous note IS passive-aggressive. Criticizing a problem to someone who can fix it is not passive-agressive. Criticizing someone for a problem to a third person IS passive-aggressive.
My wife is queen of passive aggression. She will say certain things that only hint at something being my fault, or sigh or do certain things in a way that shows discomfort
It’s pretty rare for the smiling and friendly person to be throwing subtle shade, that stuff usually comes from a more neutral initial presentation. In the event it does happen it can sometimes be difficult to detect, for sure, but I wouldn’t let those rare exceptions bother you too much.
Regarding detection, there’s almost always subtle tone and/or body posture cues that will mark it. They’re circumstantial though, and vary person to person as well. One of those things you learn as you get to know someone. None is surefire, either, the ambiguity is the whole point, after all.
