I’ve been fighting off writing this for a while now. I even considered making a throwaway for it, but I guess if its too embarrassing I can delete it.
I’ve sorta come to accept I’m bi in recent years, and I am wondering how I should go about dating and courtship in regards to dating within my same sex (male). Especially since I find femininity to be a key attraction point. I also haven’t dated or had sex in like, three years or more. Its been a while, I kinda stopped caring for myself and focused on work, I am slowly trying to become an interesting person again, get back in shape but its hard. I dunno, man. I’m in my mid-30s and I am trying to figure out what I want out of the world. There’s a bit of lust involved. And I definitely need a hug at the very least.
Furthermore, I live in the Southern part of the US, and the amount of trans hate has me actively wanting out of here (I’m aiming for Colorado) and dating in this part of the Southeast is already difficult as is, in my prior experiences.
How does one navigate this kind of world after coming out? How do I deal with the stigma especially since in the states, there’s a renewed interest in putting people back in the closet?
It’s hard to delete from the fediverae, FYI
From Texas, also gay AF. If it’s lust, try an app. Find a chill dude who’s ok with your speed and your experience, work your way up to stuff. Or if you’re less timid, there are plenty of guys that are really into no strings attached.
As far as dating? Surely there is a gay bar within 30 miles at least. That’s a decent start. If not, go do things you like doing. Watch out for any guys you fancy giving you eyes. Worst case scenario, you made a friend. Can’t do socializing stuff or are big groups intimidating? Well, at least you can chat with a few interesting people in your area on apps to see what the local scene is like.
If you can help it? Move to the biggest city in your state. Or fully out of the south? Lol. Idk. I’m trapped in Texas.
Edit: Also, having a dog/plants attracts some of the more stable guys. Lol. All the hotties like a Plant and/or Dog Daddy.
I dont have any advice, but this is well written, i like how you phrased things and i hope you find your person/people/hug. Good luck.
I’m from CO and dating here is terrible. It wasn’t so bad in my 20s, but doing it in my 30s has been almost entirely shit to the point that I’ve given up, and so have a lot of other people. I love the state, don’t get me wrong, but it’s expensive and the single men seem to have formed some kind of mediocrity pact. The last woman I dated went from witchy pagan to hijab-wearing Muslim convert for a man she’d met in person once, so I haven’t had better luck on the queer scene either.
That said, joining queer spaces wherever you end up is a good way to dip your toes in the water without feeling the pressure that an explicitly dating-oriented site/activity might cause. Join clubs, go to bars, whatever. If you meet someone that way, it’ll likely feel a lot more natural.
