My theory is full of holes

It requires unfathomable cruelty to make.

orange man and epson fucked holes in it

It didn’t have holes in them until world war II broke out,
but the Swiss are keeping that secret,
because they don’t want people to know
how much of their success has been tied in with fascism.

You see, Switzerland want to fight Germany, because all the farmers over there
were living in the Alps where its too cold to grow barley, so they usually just have cows graze the Alps,
while importing German beer and singing Heidi songs.
If they had to go to war against Germany it would mean no more beer and no beer equals no fun.

But the nazi occupiers demanded from the Swiss that they would have clean drinking water from the Alps
and so forbade the Swiss farmers and their cows to drink water and had them drink beer instead.
But beer was expensive at that time and so the Swiss decided to give their cows soda pop instead,
which meant mostly Fanta.

And all that carbonic acid creates so many bubbles in the cows milk that turns into what is now known as “Swiss cheese”.

When the Swiss gave Fanta to Lilac cattle,
a breed exclusively found in the Alps that produces milk chocolate,
it creates holes in them as well,
and so they’re sold under the name of Aero chocolate.

A fun fact about all of this is that Swiss cash cows are not given fuzzy drinks at all.
Instead, they’re being fed Swiss cheese and Aero chocolate,
which has the opposite effect, so their cash bellies keep being full, steady and private,
which is the secret behind the Swiss banking system.