A few days ago I shared some news that the Eurovision song from Israel would be named “Your land is mine now” to later realize it was from an onion kind of website, lol.
I hope I’m not alone in this kind of f’up.
I got reverse onioned a little while ago. There was an article about a kids version of the AR-15 called the JR-15, and it was so ludicrous and I didn’t know that website, I thought it was a satirical article for a while… Weeks later I mentioned it as a joke, but my brother said it was real and I checked and saw he was right.
I am NOT joking. This is serious shit, I almost puked because my toots smell so bad. Listen, I’m not a psychopath. I just needed to use up some onions. In my defense, I had some steak with it too. Steak and onions, not a bad combo right? I flew too close to the sun. Too many onions.
I made the mistake of sitting on the couch and farting, now the place where I sat reeks to high hell. I’m surprised I didn’t melt a hole through the fabric. I’ve been trying to fart outside on my balcony to keep from just blowing shit Febreeze in my flat. Now I’m sitting in my office chair and trying not to gag. I’m not squeamish, especially not with my own farts. This is different. Too many onions.
My whole apartment smells like a cross between an outhouse and a paper mill with a dash of rotten egg and diarrhea sprinkles. Why did I do this to myself?? I was a fool. Nay, I am a fool. I don’t even want to think about the torrent of ass lava that I’ll be subjected to tomorrow morning. I’m going to have animal control at my door thinking a family of possums died in the vents. How will I be able to tell my girlfriend that I can’t come see her because I have putrid onion gas? This is a lamentable misstep on my part, I ate God’s ass apple and now I’m paying the poo poo price. Too many onions.
UPDATE: As predicted, I did a world-ending dump that left my legs trembling and gave me what I can only describe as “the schwetts” (shit sweats). It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the malignant stench my shit left is clinging to the walls like cigar smoke, except the cigar is just a turd. I was naive enough to leave my hand towel in the bathroom while I did the dark deed and it will now need to be burned, it absorbed the ass fumes like a greedy little sponge. Evacuating this demon crap from my body tired me out to the point of needing a nap afterwards. I’ll be getting in touch with a local priest in hopes of getting my shitter blessed. I looked into the eyes of god and found only poo. Hell is real and it can be purchased for about $1.25 per pound
Yummy! Now I want onions too
I laughed so much reading your comment I cried. Thank you for sharing!
About 20 years ago I was so outraged by Bonsai Kitten that I asked a friend’s mom to help me write letters to ISPs and law enforcement to try to get it taken down.
It was a site with pictures of cats in glass jars, but it had very graphic details about how they supposedly kept cats alive in jars and grew them into weird shapes… I still think it’s pretty tasteless, but it was clearly someone’s idea of satire. It felt like a big deal back then, but these days it would be nothing more than a bad meme.
You were not alone, it was taken down (and rehosted/mirrored) multiple times because of complaints.
Do April Fools jokes count? I was bereft after reading an article 13+ years ago from a trustworthy gaming site that said Armor Games (a popular flash game dev at the time) was taking over all development for the Elder Scrolls games.
(In retrospect, maybe that wouldn’t have been the worst thing after Skyrim came out)
April fools on /r/askhistorians
Is “ate the onion” a well known saying? I’ve never heard It before
I’m not sure how well known it might be, is when you take a The Onion article seriously.
If you are unfamiliar with The Onion, a satirical news site, it would not make sense.
for australian prime ministers it is. at least, it is in recent history
I Can’t comment as to the “erll” qualifier, but I have seen the expression used before inregards to not seeing the satire in a satire article.
EDIT: No edits. The above stays as it stands, purely out of spite.
I got pretty excited to see an advertisement for Hardee’s mini biscuits and gravy. It was like tiny biscuits swimming in a bowl of gravy like cereal and it looked delicious . Then I realized it was April 1st.
I learned a few years ago that the Duke is, in fact, not frozen waiting to be resuscitated. Of course I only learned this after arguing with my prof in film class about it. Classic urban legend. Now I’m worried about any other hoaxes I might have absorbed in the pre-Internet years. At least I know that the Glomar Explorer was not looking for manganese nodules.
Wait until you hear that Disney’s Frozen was only created so that searching for “Disney Frozen” would result in the movie intead of Walt Disney’s frozen head.
Who’s frozen? Who is “the Duke?”
Ah yes, that probably showed my age right there. The Duke was the nickname of John Wayne, who died of cancer in 1979.
Wait, there’s a conspiracy theory Wayne was frozen? He died before cryo was even remotely feasible - that’s got to be even more fringe than usual.
I believed a headline that Ryan Reynolds threw on a Wrexham shirt and played half a game as a substitute… it was April 1st.
When I was younger I used to play at a well-known football academy. Some of the better players stayed on, and one of them (easily the best player in our cohort) signed a professional deal. He was 10x better than me, a player that was probably considered pretty good by normal standards.
Compared to pros he was nothing. He never played a game, had his contract terminated, and he eventually found his level in the 9th tier of English football (lower regional leagues).
Age aside, Ryan Reynolds would look hilarious out there. At his fittest, I still think he’d almost definitely get injured trying to go up against a pro defender. Similar to the sort of smurfing videos you see of pro fighters destroying a local gym in disguise, the difference between even someone at National league or League 2 level to a “good” footballer is crazy.
Can’t remember what the article was, but it was a local one for an area I don’t live in (I think it was a Canadian one). Anyway, ate the onion in a large discord server I had just joined. I was mostly just trying to become part of the community. Nobody corrected me for a couple of hours until some smug bastard said something along the lines of “…at least I know it’s a satiric publication.”
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