Do we just live and suffer and die?

  • shalafi@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    My cat died April 16th, 2023. Had a few, never have another. Can I share my story? I swear there’s a point at the end.

    Adopted her from a local redditor, who had only had her a month. She was always tiny, but at some point, cancer wasted her overnight. By the time I noticed her collar falling off her 1.5" neck it was too late. We found her dead in the hallway the next night.

    She sat on my lap every night, and that’s all she wanted, simple affection. I was single and living alone, excepting a friend with benefits across the street, I was terribly alone. She was my solace, my peace. She was my friend, not an animal, not a pet, my friend. And gods how I cried because I felt I had let my dear friend down. Hell, crying now.

    “WHY?!”, I screamed. Why was such a blameless and harmless friend dead when I’ve done such evil in life?! I’ve tried to be one of the good guys, but I’ve done bad things. She had no concept of evil, she just was, and only asked for comfort. Call it survivor guilt, guess it is. But a life like hers clearly deserved more life than my tainted soul.

    She didn’t do any of the typical cat meme stuff, just kinda hung around. Rarely left the yard, just sat in the shadow of my truck when it was hot, chilled inside when it was cold. Always low energy, but no issues the vet could point to.

    Anyway, I buried her out at my personal chunk of swamp in the boonies. Fought for 30 minutes to cut through cypress roots, but I wanted her to rest in a nice shady spot by the water. Literal blood, sweat and tears getting that tiny grave open. Didn’t think anyone would give a shit, but my friends all rolled out. I’m the guy in the cowboy hat. I salute her grave every time I pass.

    Mom died 2-weeks ago, on my birthday. I cried for that cat far more than for her. I get you. I feel you. LOL, I’m sure mom cried more for the death of her mountain lions than she would have for me. So it goes.

    So yeah, we live and we die. Our friends and family die. Suffering? I dunno. Did my cat suffer? She certainly did for at least some of her life. But she certainly didn’t after I got her. At least she was as happy as I knew how to make her.

    Suffering is only possible if you’re alive. Hell, we could be atoms embedded in a Jovian moon, but at least we’re here to feel. And that’s pretty fucking wild if you think about it. I’ve suffered like hell, but I’ve also experienced and loved more than the vast majority of humans ever will. (And if you looked at our pics, the little Asian woman is now my wife. Funny how life works out.) If I died tonight, I’d call it a win. Being alive is a fabulous gift, even though it has its downsides.

    How about you tell us about your cat? Your turn OP. Step up and let us have it.