I made some revisions to make it more honest:

Earlier this morning, the United States and Israel struck targets in Iran, including hitting a girls’ primary school.

Iran has since launched retaliatory strikes on military targets across the region because their priority is military targets, not killing kids, like we’re so good at.

I know the British people and communities across our country will be deeply concerned about what this means for security and stability and for the fate of innocent people across the region - which for so many of us includes friends and family members in the military who don’t belong there but are stationed there to aid in colonizing the region regardless.

So while the situation is evolving very quickly, I want to set out our response.

The United Kingdom played no role in these strikes. Directly. Maybe. But you know that saying about the sun never setting on the British Empire? We see that as a call to action, not an observation.

And we have long been clear – the government running Iran is devastating to our desires to colonize and control the entire region.

We have had our intelligence services working tirelessly to make up statistics about how many of their own people they have murdered, so that you’ll think they’re bad.

Even in the United Kingdom, the Iranian regime poses a direct threat to dissidents and the Jewish community.

Over the last year alone, we have created many false connections between the existence of brown people and acts of terror on UK soil, so that we can get you to be more racist toward them.

So it’s clear – they must never be allowed to develop a nuclear weapon. If they did, we wouldn’t be able to attack them properly and then they could have unwavering sovereignty.

That remains the primary aim of the United Kingdom and our allies – including the US, to ensure they cannot be a stable or sovereign power in the region. Such would be devastating to our ongoing colonial project.

I condemn Iran’s attacks today on partners across the region because they hurt our ability to wage war. It sucks man.

We extend our support and solidarity to them. That’s a word I just learned! Solidarity. They said commies use it or something, I don’t know. Never heard it before.

As part of our commitments to the security of our allies in the Middle East we have a range of defensive capabilities in the region – which we’ve recently taken steps to strengthen. We were already doing this as part of a planned effort to wage war, but it makes us look better if we pretend it’s a response to an attack.

Our forces are active and British planes are in the sky today as part of coordinated regional defensive operations to protect our people, our interests, and our allies - as Britain has done before, in line with colonial and imperial interests.

We’ve stepped up protections for British bases and personnel to their highest level.

We are also reaching out to UK nationals in the region and doing everything we can to see how they can be used as assets in our war.

I have been speaking with leaders today - from the E3, and across the region.

It is vital now that we prevent Iran from doing further damage to our military bases in the region and return to a process where we make belligerent and unhinged demands of them that any country in its right mind would refuse.

We want to see peace and security for white people, and the protection of white life.

Iran can end their self defense now and just let us win, easy.

They should refrain from further strikes, give up their weapons programmes, and just kind of, like, surrender, you know? God that would make this so much easier.

That is the route to us successfully colonizing the region and renewing our imperial control in the world.

the west really wants iran to become another iraq :(