Buddy, in this economy, most people’s only feasible financial-emergency strategy is to jump off a bridge.

I’m talking about when the government wants an excuse for shutting down public discourse. Obviously it isn’t going to prosecute itself.

Fascist shutdown of public discourse, step by step:

1. Find out where public discourse is.
2. Post child porn on an obscure corner of it.
3. Take screenshots of the posted porn.
4. Send law enforcement to seize all the things.

Debian. Several reasons:

• It’s trustworthy.
• It’s not going anywhere. Debian existed when I was a kid and it’ll probably still exist when I draw my last breath.
• I know how to use it, since, once again, I’ve been using it since I was a kid.
• It has all the desktop environments.
• It fully supports systemd. I do not miss the unreliability, slowness, and complexity of what came before that. (Normally I wouldn’t mention this, but your former distro of choice exists solely for the purpose of not having systemd, so it’s relevant this time.)