Perfect caption already exists https://mander.xyz/post/12422557

While attempting to Press F to pay respects, the F becomes impatient and attacks. Rolf attempts to intervene, but the F raises its spear and prepares to strike, riding on a firework.

Rolf’s fingers are unnaturally shaped like a bed with wheels, a deformity since birth which causes him a great burden.

Timothy the tuxedo man is distracted by a new episode of the real housewives, and will soon be slain by F. Timothy the tuxedo man is cursed to die in Rolf’s deformed bed-hands.

The caption is already perfect

This way, Mr. President.

If the man is pushing the penguin east at six mph along the equator, the penguin’s speed relative to the sun is 1038 + 6 = 1044 mph

“Hurry Jerry! Parking lot F is just ahead, soo we will be able to start our new lives together!”